"Groomer Has It" needs to be snipped! Quick!

I have quite a high tolerance for what others might deem to be bad television, but I think that last Saturday I may have stumbled across one of the absolute worst television shows of all time: Animal Planet's Groomer Has It which among other things has a tedious host, dull competitors, is scripted with appalling doggie related word play (the show’s title should be your first clue about the low level of creativity of the writers) and a lame prize: a mobile grooming truck, $50k and the title “Groomer of the Year” -- which will be meaningful to who?

This show is a complete knock off of Bravo’s Top Chef one of my favorite shows, especially this season since it takes place in Chicago…. but I digress

First we have our host: Jai Rodriguez formerly of Queer Eye. I’m sorry, but after watching this show, it is clear that your ten minutes of fame are over.

Then we have our twelve contestants who will be residing in "The Dog House." Doesn't sound very attractive to me, and when you see the inside, it's not... festooned with awful doggie art. Two of the competitors -- Jonathan and Jorge -- are engaged in a 'sub-battle' of who is the 'real' celebrity dog groomer..... who cares?!?!? If you are really making so much money making house calls to your celebrity dog clients, what are you doing on this ridiculous show?

Format wise, we have the “Quick Sniff Challenge” (sounds like.... "Quick Fire Challenge!") where the winner gets an advantage over the other clippers…. not immunity, at least in the first episode. As part of this challenge, one of the groomers sniffed one of the dogs in the derriere! Gross!

Then we move along to the "Elimination Challenge" which is launched with an inspiring: “Ready, Set, Groom!” In this first episode, the contestants had to groom yarn dogs… basically a stuffed animal, to find out “which groomer has it.”

One groomer broke his dog’s leg!
One groomer colored her dog completely pink (magenta really)!
One stenciled “I love NY” on his dog.

If you “meet the standard” you are safe; if you win the challenge, you get the “pick of the litter” for the next Quick Sniff Challenge; if you are the second worse, you “go back to the dog house with your tail between your legs” and if you are at “the back of the pack” you have to leave the “dog house” immediately. Can you see how awful the scripting is???

When we thankfully got the the point of getting rid of one of these people, Jai says “Every dog has its day. Lisa, it’s not your day.” I can’t believe I even lasted the whole hour….

Thumbs down, paws down, tail down.... no treats for Animal Planet....